Review: Call of Roma

Hi again guys, LMS here. I got a request to review Call of Roma, based on an advertisement that kept floating around a WoW RP server that I'm on. Specifically, it was this image:

Now, I know what you're probably thinking. "Holy crap, a Roman orgy! That sounds fantasti-- Wait what does this have to do with an MMO?" And then you're probably going to look at the screen slightly creepily and sketched out. And yes, I would have, too, if I were you. To be honest, I believe the review request was more for jokes but I figured, "Hey! Why not actually review it? Maaaaaybe it'll be interesting?" On a side note, I know I said I was going to review Fallen Earth, but the game refused to cooperate so I kinda had to give up. The environment wasn't rendering no matter what I did. So I kinda had to give up, sorry guys. Without further ado, here's my review of Call of Roma!



I have played games like this. A few, actually. They're essentially brower-based, city-building games where you have to wait for X resources to be gathered so you can make Y buildings and expand your city by Z amount so you can do things with it. You can get in-game money, wage wars, make neighbors, and all other sorts of stuff within these sort of games. And, surprisingly enough, this is technically an MMORPG. Yes, I know it's a little hard to believe, but it is one. You actually play with other players in a real-time server, so technically, it has the capacity to become the Massive of the MMO acronym. However, I've yet to actually come across a reason why you'd want to communicate with other players in this game; you have everything you need to keep your city on its ever-expanding path without having a need for a social component within the game. The only reason it's technically an MMO is because you can "wage war" on other players, provided that they aren't within the newbie-protection-bubble that prevents other people from attacking them. That bubble lasts for approximately a week, if I remember correctly. And if anyone plays this sort of game for longer than a week... Get out of the house. No, seriously. There's something wrong with you if you enjoy this piece of crap for more than perhaps a few hours. But I digress. What separates this one from others is, to my understanding, the theme of the game. Others base themselves off of the medieval period, others have dragons and other fantasy elements. Call of Roma, as you probably guessed, has a Roman theme to it.

I admit it's not the traditional MMORPG that I've reviewed; there are no classes, no customization (other than changing your profile name and pictured sex), or anything like that. Sure, there is a quest system and you can do some interesting things, like upgrade buildings and have all different types of structures and things within your city, even taking over other places and waging wars with other players, but.. Not gonna lie, I get rather bored rather easily with these sort of games. You have to wait X amount of time for something to be completed and the higher up you go with upgrades, the longer it takes. You also can't do too many things at once, which annoys me. I've always just found these sort of games to be extremely tedious. Yes, I like to have small goals to work toward (one of the reasons I love achievements and crafting in MMOs) but this is just.. Obnoxious, like having a shrieking child in the middle of a grocery store and the parents just turn the other way or think its funny when their child screams like a banshee and causes other people's ears to bleed. It makes me want to punt both the child and the parents for their sheer stupidity. And I feel the same way about these sort of city-building games. At least make them more entertaining, I've seen it done before! (Yes, I'm looking at you, Castleville!) But no. Games like Call of Roma just fall flat on their faces with little effort to push themselves back up.

In case you couldn't tell already, I'll make it really clear: I. Hate. These. Kinds. Of. Games. They're not worth playing and I mean it. There's very little point. 


The person who requested I look at this game actually had a list of questions for me to answer. So, I'll break it down into a sorta Q&A Session, seeing as I have nothing else to really discuss about this festering pile of crap.

Q. Are there actually roman orgies?
So far, in the 15 minutes I've been looking at it, no. I'm actually disappointed in that fact.

Q. What kind of orgies?
If any, there are probably resource management and construction orgies. Those buildings can't upgrade themselves without the mass sex!

Q. Is 'orgy' part of the economy?
If it is, I'm certainly looking at the economy incorrectly.


Q. Do they at least play a central part to the MMO?
Not to my knowledge. If they did, however, it'd certainly make the game more entertaining.

Q. Is there an intricate single player storyline?
Define "intricate." If by "intricate," you mean "oh, I'm a ruler of a growing city, let me work to make my city TEH BESTEST CITY EVAR!!!1111!" then yes. Oh, wait, you meant something engaging? Why the hell would you expect -this- game to be engaging?

Q. Who is the character on the advertisement?
My money's on the Boob Fairy. Though, I don't think she actually makes an appearance in this game. Maybe she's the elusive, rumored Gamer Girl that Gamer Guys only dream of...

Q. Why is she wearing distinctly non-roman garb?
She got tired of wearing her bedsheets every day, I imagine. I would, too, if I were her. Or maybe it's Halloween for her?

Q. Is she a foreigner?
It looks like she stepped out of an actual MMO, so probably, yes.


Q. Does she play an important part in the game?
By "important," do you mean getting horny men (and perhaps women) to try the game, thinking they'll get... -gasp- Roman orgies?!

Q. Do all women show this much skin?
In this game? I have no clue. The female avatars you can pick from are only from the shoulders and up and your Tutorial Fairy--I mean Goddess-- is only from the neck up most of the time. Any little NPC-type people you see look either androgynous or male who clearly wear either pants or shorts and a shirt of some sort.

So, in short, I played this game for approximately a half hour. It was boring as fuck. Please, for the love of all that is the Boob Fairy, please don't play this game. It's probably one of the biggest wastes of your time, I can assure you. I'd rather watch paint dry or ice melt than play this game. Hell, I'd even rather play FLYFF than this--it'd be more entertaining, and that's saying something! If you have any questions, comments, suggestions, etc., feel free to either comment here, or on FB or Twitter. Feel free to suggest a game for me to review any time! This is Little Miss Squish, signin' out.